Since deciding to walk away from the Jehovah’s Witness (JW) religion last year, there have been many changes to my life.
Some of these changes, like being shunned and cast aside by family and friends, have been difficult to deal with. However, when discussing what happens when you leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I feel it’s important to share the more positive side of the story.
Even through the emotional manipulation that the religion’s shunning policies inflict upon those who leave, there are so many ways my life is much happier and more fulfilling.
Here are five ways my life has improved since deciding to leave the religion.
I am more accepting of those different from me than I was previously.
As a Jehovah’s Witness, being friends with people who thought differently to you or had a different belief system to yours was not allowed. Those people were considered “bad associations.”
Jehovah’s Witnesses are opposed to the LGBTQ lifestyle. Due to the influence of the JW anti-gay doctrine, I frankly had an extreme prejudice bordering on hateful disgust for homosexuals. My views on the subject, though, softened somewhat when I found out a close relative was gay. However, until I left, I never fully accepted what I viewed as their “choice” of “lifestyle.”
Since leaving the religion, I have realized my views were not just incorrect, but not in alignment with the true morality of treating my fellow human beings with dignity. I now consider myself a strong supporter of universal human rights regardless of sexual orientation or gender. I also no longer view others’ sexuality as a something to judge, and I certainly don’t view homosexuality as immoral or anything to be ashamed of. In fact, I wholeheartedly accept people from all walks of life into my circle with open arms.
My thinking has also evolved on the subject of politics. Though Jehovah’s Witnesses are required to remain neutral in politics, because of the conservative nature of many doctrines, I used to identify more with the religious right side of the spectrum, and would never have been friendly toward someone identifying as a liberal. However, now that I have decided to listen to different viewpoints and judge them for myself, and not through a filter of extremist ideology, I find that I am more open to new viewpoints and have accepted some viewpoints that I previously would have derided or rejected.
Deciding to set aside religious and personal prejudice has been one of the most enlightening, enriching and satisfying things I have ever done. It has improved my life greatly by opening my world to new friends, and being able to reconnect with a family member that I never thought would forgive me for the kind of person I used to be.
I spend more time with my wife and kids than ever before.
Being a good Jehovah’s Witness requires you to sacrifice a lot of free time. Four hours of meetings a week, not counting travel time. Every Saturday morning is blocked out for field service (door-to-door preaching).
Again, the JW doctrine of avoiding “bad associations” affected activities with my children. No little league. School functions such as dances, holiday concerts, etc. are frowned upon.
Now, our family is amazingly close compared to just a year ago. We play games at home, frequently go out to eat as a family, we are active in our kids’ school lives and we encourage them to enjoy their education.
My relationship with my wife is also greatly improved. We are truly best friends, and the lines of communication between us have never been more open. Being able to come home after a day at work, sit down with her and eat a meal and play a game is one of the best things in life, and we do it even more now that we have more time on our hands.
My wife and children are now paramount in my life and are my top priority. The thought that I previously gave a religion higher priority than my own family is now quite shocking to me.
I now do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
Many Jehovah’s Witnesses think that individuals that voluntarily leave the organization just want to live an immoral life. Many scare stories are told in meetings and publications of those that leave and become prostitutes, get involved with drugs, or become alcoholics. Though that is the case with some troubled individuals, it is the exception rather than the rule.
My moral compass has not changed. If anything, it has improved. By this, I mean that I don’t view people as second class citizens, or as if they’re beneath me for having a different viewpoint.
In short, I now do the right things for the right reasons. My motivation for doing right isn’t the desire for a divine reward of making it to paradise. It also isn’t the fear of divine retribution at Armageddon. My motivation for doing what is right is because it’s the right thing to do.
Isn’t that a more honest form of morality? What’s better: someone doing what is is because they are “keeping their eyes on the prize,” or someone doing what is right because that’s who they are on the inside, and have nothing to gain?
I no longer feel guilty for enjoying the little things in life.
I mentioned earlier how most Jehovah’s Witnesses block off Saturday mornings or weekend time for preaching. If you don’t go, the institutional guilt makes sure you don’t enjoy your weekend like you could.
I remember skipping service on Saturday, yet not wanting to go out for breakfast with my wife and kids because we were afraid of running into Jehovah’s Witnesses and having to explain why we didn’t go out in service.
Let me say, those days of fear, obligation and guilt are now behind us. Being able to sleep in on a Saturday or Sunday and go out for breakfast without the thought that you’re not “doing enough for Jehovah” is such a blissful thing.
Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught that recreation is okay, however it should always take a back seat to spiritual matters. This mentality makes it hard to enjoy the little things in life like eating out.
That JW voice in your head says, “Maybe I shouldn’t be eating out… maybe I should have donated this money I spent.” Sometimes, the voice chimes in when you skip meetings and service to go on vacation. “Other people go preaching on their vacation. Maybe I’m not a good JW because I’m skipping that.”
Our family now takes frequent trips without feeling guilty about spending time and money on ourselves. We decided to purchase Disney World annual passes this year – a pretty big purchase. Previously, we would have been wracked with guilt about spending so much money on “Satan’s system of things.”
That purchase, though, is one of the best we’ve made as a family. Being able to really enjoy oneself while doing normal family things seems like such a little thing. However, we are just discovering how fulfilling family life can be now that we don’t have a cloud of guilt hanging over our heads.
I no longer suffer from serious bouts of depression and anxiety.
Prior to leaving the organization, I suffered from many serious bouts of depression and anxiety. There is a constant, overwhelming pressure heaped on members of Jehovah’s Witnesses to do more. And if you’re not doing more, then you’re not doing enough. There is also the anxiety associated with the chance of having to make a decision someday about whether or not to let your wife and kids have a blood transfusion or die.
Jehovah’s Witnesses claim to preach a message of hope and comfort. However, the organization frequently appeals to negative emotions and highlights negative things about the world in which we live to fit their eschatology. The JW message thrives on tragedy and disasters. Every bad thing that happens in the world is highlighted, repeated and pointed to as “evidence” that their interpretation of scripture is true.
When you are raised in an environment such as this, it is easy to give in to the constant barrage of sensationalism and negativity. I never realized how negative my thinking was until I started going to therapy and ultimately separated myself from that influence.
There was something former Scientologist Sara Goldberg said in the HBO Documentary Going Clear that resonated with me. She said: “People are so indoctrinated and have been in Scientology for a really long time, or they’ve grown up in it and they don’t know anything else. So it’s scary to them to have to start all over – and it takes a really strong person to stand up to them and say ‘no.’ They say, ‘don’t go on the internet, don’t read, don’t go to these sites!’”
Sound familiar? Sara Goldberg’s comments aren’t just relevant for Scientologists. Her words apply to Jehovah’s Witnesses as well. It was not an easy thing to cut through the organization’s influence and stand up for what is right.
Once I took that step, though, I haven’t once regretted it. Now, after separating myself from that influence, I can truly say I am the happiest I have ever been. And I would also say I have never seen my wife happier.
The Best Life Ever
Jehovah’s Witnesses have spread this meme on social media and in their culture that they are living “the best life ever.” They even created an Instagram hashtag for it.
However, my experience is that it is anything but “the best life ever.” After leaving the religion, my life has truly just begun, and it is only getting better every day.
In the last year, I have done more, seen more, traveled more, thought more and loved more than I can ever remember as a Jehovah’s Witness.
For my whole life I longed to be happy – to live in a paradise and spend my days growing closer to my family and learning new things. It turns out all I had to do to get that paradise was leave behind my superstitious beliefs.
If you are a Jehovah’s Witness and are having sincere doubts about the organization, I want to tell you there IS a life beyond. You CAN be happy. And your paradise can be here and now.
By: Sean McGee
Any and all reasons listed are worth the cruel shunning by those you once belived loved you unconditionally. Thank you Lloyd for your wonderful work to bring other people to see what you already know.
Great article Sean. So much of what you say resonates deeply in me, most of what you describe I can honestly say I have felt and experienced as well. It is truly amazing how beautiful, clear and plain things become once you are able to remove the ‘JW goggles’ and see things from a true unbiased position. My only regret is that I didn’t see this far sooner than I did but any time is better than never.
You forgot this one::: i can wear tight pants when i want to !!!
Hey Summer….I do almost every day! Black tight skinny jeans….It’s my uniform, and so far no one, from my previous life as a JW, has had the guts to say anything…I’m a dude….gonna be 54….in NYC…tight jean and a Motorhead tee shirt, as I walk past bethel, most weekends…hehehe
Oooh
And this one ::: i dont have to worry about being asked to take “the pill” ( referring to the mass suicide pill)
Summer,
If it comes down to that, they probably won’t ‘ask’.
Sean, A wonderful commentary on having Paradise Earth for you and your family now!
I can’t agree more; once the chains of cultism and indoctrination are broken then you are truly free! Free to pursue any hobby, interest or education you wish without feeling the effects of Society’s FOG (fear, obligation & guilt).
The freedom and time spent with family is well worth all the shunning they can possibly muster.
I echo your sentiments completely! We need God and Jesus…not religion and doctrines. We need to show love one another…and God is the judge! We need prayer, faith and to be obedient to his rules set out in the Bible. I haven’t been involved with JW organization for 20 yrs but have recently met people who are…and they are hypocritical…and that is how I got to this site. You don’t pick the things you wish to listen too and ignore others cause you are acting selfishly. Thanks for the well written article.
No, I think what we actually need is Thor and Zeus… Zeus is the judge! We need to be obedient and faithful to him, by respecting the rules laid out by him in the Popol Vuh
No, the flying spaghetti monster is who we need to show our obeisance to, it says so right in the Italian cookbook I have.
But you can only preach the gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster while dressed as a pirate, for it is his will. LOL
WS
@Matias:
I was pondering your comments and it occurred to me that the only difference between mythology and religion is this:
mythology is RELIGION that was supplanted by another belief system. Example: Greco-Roman gods dumped in favor of Judeo-Christian beliefs.
Funny, though thought provoking! :)
@Big B you got it, congrats!
Hi Julie – thanks for commenting. However, I would appreciate if you could review our posting guidelines, including our religious neutrality rule, before posting again. You are allowed to “need” God and Jesus personally if it gives you fulfilment, but using this website to tell everyone else they need God and Jesus was not its intention.
Whats wrong with people sharing their personal views? I did not take her comment in that way.
Your site has been great at exposing WT for what it is, but alot of people here have deep spiritual beliefs being bought up as a JW. This is something i thought you should truly understand since you were bought up a JW.
Alot more of the articles i read here and your videos appear somewhat of an atheistic nature, and remember that the true definition of apostate is actually someone who rejects god and christ, which this angle seems to be more prevalent here from when i first started visiting this site.
There is alot more from the bible that you need to know and as a JW myself, i know we are far from perfect, if you really took the opportunity to see things differently.
Many teachings in Christianity (including JW) are wrong and in turn make people turn away from god because it sounds like complete utter rubbish.
You make good mention on Noahs ark, etc and the key is that our own interpretation is totally wrong.
Doesnt mean that people should stop believing in god.
That is one example, but i dont have all the space to ramble on here, but as someone who was bought up as a JW, i think you should show more compassion and work from a theorcratic angle, rather than from an agnostic viewpoint.
You will get far more success, as alot of JW’s are so indoctrinated as it is, that they will just turn away before they get started.
Yes cracks are beginning to show, and more people are being awakened, but please respect our beliefs, since the site is targeted at those with a faith, it seems rather one sided at times how you let articles get published with such views.
The answers to all your doubts in the bible are there, you just need to look, i dont have the time to explain here and i wont, but please take our concerns on board. Im not the only one who has bought this up here.
The best thing you can do is get more JW’s to do their own research and question the teachings, its not as simple to just walk away from family and friends, so many of us are just pretending everything is all normal as a JW. But if less are indoctrinated with imperfect views of man, it will make things change for the better.
All the answers are in the bible and when you do your study, and find the real truth, it does set you free.
@Concerned:
The issue with Julie’s comment is the fact that she says “We need God and Jesus…We need prayer” etc. She is not expressing her own personal views, but rather applying them to the entire group which can be seen as proselytizing. I personally found her phrasing a bit out of place on this site.
Cedars’ message was simply a kindly reminder in this regard. There was no strong censure or harsh criticism.
And BTW, if you watch some of Cedars’ videos, you will find that he does use scriptures to explain incorrect JW dogma.
WS
It IS “complete utter rubbish”. There is about the same amount of evidence for the existence of god as there is for the existence of dwarfs, the Tooth fairy and pinocchio.
I can now hear you quoting that wasted “watchmaker” argument, then comes “the god of the gaps” chained together with several other instantiations of “the argument of ignorance”, all sprinkled with the fallacy of “appealing to emotions”.
There is a reason why all this things have a name (and a dedicated Wikipedia article for each one), they have all been considered and found to be wrong, but still people keep repeating them as if they had just came up with the idea.
@Matias,
You are well within your right to consider it all rubbish. On the other hand, not all of us agree with you and that is our right. I personally find the watchmaker concept to be profound and choose to accept the concept of natural theology, while rejecting revealed theology (some good wiki articles of those concepts too!). That’s, of course, my right.
The beauty of human freedom is the right to believe, disbelieve, or simply to be indifferent. The JW cult seeks to take this basic right away from its members and to decide for them.
I think that is where the balance lies with regards to this site’s guidelines: we can freey share what we think and believe – it is part of the awakening process. We just need to guard against thinking that just because we believe, someone else needs to as well. That’s the razor’s edge between voicing belief vs proselytizing in my opinion.
WS
I don’t want to point out the obvious @Matias but…… Dwarfs do exist. Maybe you should look here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warwick_Davis
I’ll go with you on the ‘Tooth fairy’ and ‘Pinocchio’ as being fictitious though!.
Lol. Sorry couldn’t resist that. But you’ve got to be right if you are going to makes statements like that :)
@concerned JW
Yes Cedars evolved into kind atheist in his journey and he has a right to promote those views in his own space also set some guidelines with whatever he thinks it appropriate or beneficial for him or this community.
Now the question is what is beneficial and for whom ? If he would prefer to keep his slogan “giving a voice to silent majority” than it would be reasonable to expect that this majority is of Christian faith thus believing in God & Jesus so it’s natural that they may voice out themselves in this spirit.And this kind a automatically being in conflict with his own guidelines.
On the other hand many or if not majority of visitors here view themselves as agnostics or atheists therefore they may not welcome comments which are expression of faith or form of proselytizing.
So it’s hard to maintain balance and be fair to all.Looks like he try his best however there is always space for improvement and tolerance on both sides of camp
best wishes,
I personally don’t want to be told that I ‘need’ God, Jesus, prayer and to obey what is written in the bible. I had that message rammed down my throat for 30 years as a JW and it ALWAYS made me think I wasn’t trying hard enough or I was not worthy enough.
The truth is, I don’t need any of those things. I’m much happier without them. Having people tell me otherwise just disturbs the equilibrium that took me so long to achieve.
I don’t find it offensive, just a bit OTT and irritating. I’m grateful that Cedars kindly referred to site posting guidelines re religious neutrality. Live and let live means being accepting of others whilst allowing people the freedom to choose what’s best for themselves.
@Imgonaburn
I agree with you 100%. The freedom to decide what we each need as individuals is our own right. It’s what makes us human. Having that right stolen from us by the JWs under threat of shunning is severely damaging to our psyche.
It sounds like we both had the same mental knee jerk reaction to phrases like “we all need Christ; we all need prayer” and so forth. The hand once burnt reacts more quickly to the flame.
WS
Sean, What an inspiring article!
I can identify with much you say. I did lose all my siblings, I thought we would stay family forever, no matter what happened in life. Turns out I was wrong. I don’t blame them and I have forgiven them for treating me so badly. They are the ones missing out on my life, my happiness and my freedom. I feel pity for them.
One amazing thing for me was finding out I don’t have to be a “judge” anymore. What a relief it was to give that job up. I have learned about forgiveness and how much happier I am to accept people as they are and to forgive and accept myself just as I am.
I don’t feel like an outsider anymore. We used to think we were somehow superior to all the “bad people” all around us. I was surrounded by good people and it turned out I was the “bad people” I had been so afraid of.
Sean, I am so happy for you and your family, thanks for sharing that with us.
If only the ones who shun us could understand what real freedom feels like…..
Excellent observations. This has been my experience as well.
WS
I had the same thought, I don’t have to “judge” anymore. I have given that over to a higher power. I actually reached that level of thought while active in the Org. And the physical and emotional relief is beyond description.
Very nice article Sean! I am happy for you and your family.
I have also been happier since I stopped wasting my time and life for a man-made organization. Now if only I could get my wife ( who remains fully endocrinated ) to pull her head out of the sand and look at the facts and evidence about the Watchtower Organization life would be even better !!
BeenMisled,
I am in the same boat as you. I appreciate the freedom and relief that Sean writes about on a personal level, but I don’t have the family experience because my wife is still in. Lately, I see glimmers of hope, small inroads based on some of the things she says and does, but then it seems the cult personality redoubles its efforts and she goes back the other way. Maybe some day she will wake up.
WS
BeenMisled and Winston,
I wish you both success with awakening your wives.
Thanks Telescopium.
WS
The truth about “The Truth” will set you FREEEEE!
Thank you for writing this article. Your many points resonated with me deeply.
I am glad you are finally enjoying your life & family.
Please keep up this fine writing.
What a wonderful post and such thoughtful comments ! For myself , I long for the day when my JW can throw away her shackles and begin to see the world as I am able and as you are quickly discovering. A place of wonder and adventure, not doom and gloom.
Hidden away in our hearts, just waiting to be found, is everything we will ever need to know. Listen to it and everything falls into place quite naturally. No guilt, no conflict, no rules except from your own authority It is a gift everyone is given and it is benevolent. Sean, I am so pleased you and your family have recognised this life-sustaining pathway. Kind Regards to All.
Congratulations on your courage. Families (we are not even JWs), are bad associations. What a mix-up.
Sean,
I enjoyed your article and am happy for the happiness that you and your family have found. One point I’d like to raise is with respect to LGBTQ people. We do not have a “lifestyle” with respect to sexuality any more than heterosexuals have. I understand that is how you once felt and that you have come to understand that words such as “choice” and “lifestyle” do not apply to human sexuality. Still, it is easy to use these words when discussing this issue. Jehovah’s Witnesses do so because of the willful and deliberate ignorance of the Governing Body. In discussing the Witness viewpoint, I would not say they are opposed to the LGBTQ lifestyle. Rather, I think it better to say that JWs have a deep dislike (if not hatred) of LGBTQ people and leave it at that.
Quendi
Quendi – the words “choice” and “lifestyle” were put in quotation marks deliberately to suggest at the way they have been misappropriated when referring to LGBTQ people. I think everyone can grasp this, without the need for a lengthy explanation. I like the fact that we lean on the intelligence of our readers here at JWsurvey rather than spell everything out in excruciating detail, Watchtower-style. But I appreciate your observation.
Cedars,
Thanks for your remarks on this topic as I really appreciate them. I did notice the quotation marks and understood what they implied. I thought further clarification from a gay man would help.
Quendi
Got df’d some 40 yrs ago, remember uberdub bro who stopped to help motorist fix puncture. He related story from platform and how he preached to the dude and left brochure with him. Why do I remember this insignificant thing for 40 +) yrs, because I had the feeling even then that he did it because of the borg, not out of his heart… I now don’t believe in a God but consider myself a better person and certainly much wiser… Anyhow, great article Cedars…
Awesome Sean, I need to read and re-read for all your delicate details. Thanks Chelsea for posting on your FB
Sorry Sean I credited Cedars with your story… Silly me. He is probably out breakfasting somewhare… (9.30 am here in Oz…)
Love all you guys…
This was great!! Thank you for being so open and honest!!
Nice article Sean –
That fantastic feeling when you finally wake up – it’s like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders!
I realised that all those years as a JW when I thought I was following Christ had indeed been burdensome, totally opposite to Jesus own words! The conclusion was obvious – they were not Christ’s true followers at all!
So good to be free from the indoctrination and lies.
Way to go man.
Sean,
I appreciate you mentioning depression and anxiety. When I began my break from the Organization, I discovered just how stressful the life was. It was nuts! And there was no relief in sight! Endless Kingdom Ministry articles entitled: “Can You Do More?” “Are You Reaching Out” and “Can You Pioneer In April?”.
And then there’s the meeting parts, field service, obligatory personal study.
And then there’s the standing still during the flag salute (unexpected stress in my 30s at a town council meeting – brought me back to my school days) and the national anthem at ball games.
And then there’s the ever present threat of an accident and the blood issue.
And don’t forget those office birthday parties. Why can’t we go to them? Oh that’s right, because “evil spirits might attack the celebrants”. Yeah, explain that to your coworkers… but not during coffee break! That would be needless association with worldlings!
Stress, stress, and more stress!
This led to the anxiety and depression I fought with for much of my life. Only now do I realize where it originated from.
I didn’t leave to drop the stress – I left for a host of other reasons. But the relief from the stress and anxiety has been unparalleled. Many thanks for your article.
“Can You Pioneer in April? ” “Can You Pioneer in September? ” “Can You Pioneer in December? ” No, No, & No
I’m detecting a pattern here…
I think we all can identify with your story. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad you are out and free!!!
Well written. It is wonderful to hear all the positive happy things you are now able to experience with your family now Sean. I remember feeling so peaceful and free in my heart when I broke away from that cult.
You articulated many of the emotional changes that I have experienced as well. Excellent work on this article, I look forward to your future work. I find it remarkable how the religion is increasingly referred to as “JW”. The website has ironically become this idolatrous slogan which is taking precedence over the name Jehovah. Strange how things have transpired over the past decade. Another 10 years and we won’t be able to recognize this religion at all.
@ Ready 4 to Fade:
Great observation. Being associated back in 1957 and faded since 2012, I believe that this is definitely not the religion I came to know. And yes, in ten years it will have morphed into something else yet again. Can anyone say “NEW LIGHT”?
Great article Sean McGee, My family shunned me for twentyone years because I wasn’t going to meetings and I celebrated Christmas and the holidays. I was considered inactive by the congregation elders and no action was taken against me by them. I missed my family so I kept remembering the good old days I had with them when I was considered apart of the family. Even though I was fully awake I decided to return to the meetings and be a good JW so I could have my JW family back in my life. What I didn’t realize is how unacceptable the JW lifestyle is for me now that I’m awake. I also didn’t realize how brainwashed and programmed I was at one time and how brainwashed JW’s are. I began visiting jwsurvey when I realized how mindless the JW religion is and how mind controlled my JW family is. Then I knew what I was getting myself into. The funny thing is being shunned was harder on me. I actually feel better now because I know I’m the one limiting contact with them. Staying away from them feels very comfortable. I had to return to learn that. I used to feel guilt and blame. I don’t feel those things at all any longer. It’s mind control at it’s worst. My JW family LITERALLY WORSHIPS the society and the G.B. when I tried to bring up the subject of the global deluge they jumped down my throat and asked me why I had to be so negative. They don’t think for themselves that’s why I say they are mindless. Even though my JW family told me I’m not welcomed, the next day I felt calm because I know I’m not interested in being around them. I have been feeling comfort and calm ever sense. I’m so glad I’ve removed myself from stress and pressure I don’t need. I have less stress in my life. The JW religion is to controlling and manipulative for me.
Thanks for your sincere article Sean !
I wish you & your family all the best on your new journey !Your happiness is my too!
It’s your exclusive right to feel what you feel now and I wish that all these feelings will stay with you for rest of your life with no regrets.
Personally I think life is much more complex and complicated because there are similar “stories” and sentiments on both sides.For instance this month broadcasting futures one of them.Many people who are becoming JW experience similar feelings.
Critics may say its just their propaganda but same may apply to your story or feelings.
So the bottom line is,the human quest for happiness is road which goes at least two ways including numerous intersections which may bring you/us to other roads.
May happiness be with you bro !
Man from the lions pit,
You make a very interesting point. I wonder if the positive life-changing happiness that each side experiences boils down to having hope.
For a typical Witness, their hope will be realized by Jehovah, therefore they don’t need to do anything except stay in his good graces. Having their hope taken care of by someone else can be a comfort to them and make them feel secure and happy.
For a non-Witness, their hope is in mankind, of which they are a part. Therefore they can have an active share in realizing their hope, which can bring a sense of control in life, along with happiness.
Just a few thoughts.
@telescopium
yes I do agree hope is a common denominator for both groups I would add for all groups individual …hope is about our future desires,dreams,ambitions and who doesn’t wish to have good possessive outlook….?
You made valid points for JW an non JW.
But I not sure about the typical JW doing nothing.It’s a matter of perception most likely.
The typical JW wants to be and needs to be very active in order to stay in grace.(I do not mean grace of GB or ORG.)If this will be enough for God !
As somebody smart said ” happiness is not a destination but a journey” however many may consider journey as a destination and vice versa.
And than it may look like in this old saying: “Marriage is like a besiege fortress those who are in want to get out and those who are out want to get in.”
Happiness as emotion is a product of body & mind and many may feel that how you achieve it it secondary.Others may feel that actually the way how do you achieved it is matters.
So matter what is the case
we have to make our choices anyhow
and our choices = happiness or maybe not
best wishes,
Thanx for sharing your journey to happiness and freedom. It is a good feeling and a big weight that is lifted from one who finally is able to be ok with not letting this controlling orgy rule and ruin ones life…it takes time, for some longer than others…glad you and your family could experience this freedom so soon after you left. May all on their journey to freedom….soon be able to enjoy sleeping in on wknds or going out for breaky etc., or watching tv on mntg nights!!!!! :) and not have the slightest feelins of guilt…and yes to love and show affection for all people no matter what, who, where…we are all God’s childern. To not dread the future, to be happy every day. Life is good without….JW.org! :)
Great article Sean. So this may be a little tongue in cheek but here, to quote a Sound of Music song, are a few of my favourite things
1) Having a pink – well it’s sort of copperish, streak in my hair.
2) Watching all the Indiana Jones movies without feeling guilty.
3) Wearing tight fitting jeans in a provocative manner :p
4) Listening to Heavy Metal/Rock full blast in the car with windows down.
5) Walking into a yoga class wearing yoga pants – sucks to be you Tight Pants Tony.
And then I don’t feel….. sooooooo bad.
I can celebrate holidays just like Jesus did as a child.
Mama Joy, that is one of the things I have really have come to enjoy again: the holidays. I recognize them as occasions to rejoice that I am alive, have wonderful friends and family to celebrate with and really embrace life wholeheartedly.
I don’t celebrate all of them, but the big ones like Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving are very important to me. In addition, I have taken to observing some rather obscure ones just for the fun of it and I feel all the better as a result. So I am very glad that you are doing the same! May their observance and celebration bring even more peace, joy and love into your life!
Quendi
When one removes themselves from the unbalanced control of a cult they flourish in ways they never thought possible. The one true religion is your own personal relationship with “GOD” or whatever you choose to do.
Our Conscience is our guide, we really know if what were doing is right or wrong. Thats why so many finally end up leaving this cult because they know its just not “RIGHT”
Good luck to you and your family as you embark on this new way of life that focuses on Family as being your True Religion!!
When one removes themselves from the unbalanced control of a cult they flourish in ways they never thought possible. The one true religion is your own personal relationship with “GOD” or whatever you choose to do.
Our Conscience is our guide, we really know if what were doing is right or wrong. Thats why so many finally end up leaving this cult because they know its just not “RIGHT”
Good luck to you and your family as you embark on this new way of life that focuses on Family as being your True Religion!!
Continually striving for an unreachable goal, cannot
be described as the best life ever. “What would Jesus do”?
we were to ask ourselves when making choices, be it the
type of employment, what to watch on tv, or dealing with
the myriad of awkward situations that life throws up.
We were bound to fail many times, leading to a feeling of
unworthiness, resulting in guilt and depression.
Elders were to be exemplary and to have an exemplary
family. This resulted in much strife and sorrow that still
nags at me today, trying to force two bright teenagers,
a boy and a girl to live a restrictive life, centred almost
entirely around meetings, bible study and preaching.
The pressure is piled on relentlessly, some cannot deal
with it, 6 suicides in the my former cong, does not
indicate the best life ever. /
Thanks for the fine article Sean, Doing things because
of the person we are and not for a prize, was one of
many great thoughts.
Thank you so much for your article! It takes strength to do what you did and I wish you and your family peace and blessings for the future. My husband is not a JW but my in-laws are and I feel very uneasy about them. His mother joined this cult apart from her husband and 2 children. She began not celebrating birthdays, holidays, etc. when they were teenagers. My husband does not have a close relationship with his mother and his father has since passed away. I don’t think she recognizes how deleterious her actions were on their existence as a family. What I don’t understand is that she still has a relationship with her children and grand children who are not witnesses and justifies it when we are supposedly “bad associations”. She does not acknowledge that there is a reason why you feel there is something wrong about not being able to associate with your children and grandchildren who are not JW. I treat her with respect as I feel she deserves as being the mother of my husband and my elder but feel that she does not do the same for me because of her JW beliefs. She has tried to talk about that cult with my husband and even gave him a bible. I have made it clear to my husband that a house divided cannot stand and I am thankful that he has not taken on her beliefs. Again, thank you for your article and sharing your life lesson with everyone!
I think this is a great article and I agree with it 100%!
For me, leaving was hard (I don’t know if we all can compare how hard it is to each one who has left) and I find that it is slowly becoming a better life for me.
I think that my twisted parents plus being in that cult for so long has damaged me to the point where it would be difficult to feel happy. But that’s not to say that I would want one more day as a JW! I only wish that I got out sooner!
What I’m trying to say is that if anyone is contemplating leaving you might need some therapy and you will need a good support group. Some people can just walk away and feel great while others of us will have a lot to work through. Either way, run, don’t walk, out of the JWs!
I also grew up with the combination of poor parenting and JW indoctrination. Leaving has been good, but I have been left with sometimes crippling depression. For some of us it will take many years of therapy before being completely free.
From my experience, if one is still dealing with severe anxiety and depression along with nightmares and/or flashbacks after being out awhile, there is a form of post traumatic stress disorder (c-PTSD or developmental trauma disorder) that could be the cause. Most people don’t know this condition exists. It may be worth looking into if standard treatments for anxiety/depression aren’t helping.
I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do, but it’s information that I wish I’d been given when I was suffering the most.
I remember back in the 1980s during a talk the elder said, many times after a person gets reinstated he or she will fall away. I remember he said once a person falls out of the truth it’s usually hard for them to come back in. I wonder if returning and then leaving is a stage a person goes through that is actually very common. I know I did that. Once you’re away from the programming you can only tolerate limited contact with it. Even though I loved my mom and dad very much I could only stand being around them once a month because they were so indoctrinated. The good thing is I was able to be with them regularly when they ended up on hospice and I was with them when they passed away. I’m very thankful about that. I think the stages people go through while waking up are denial (at first) then bargaining, (like saying I’ll be a fake witness for my family’s sake)and then acceptance by being happy without feelings of guilt. It would be interesting if someone ever did a study on the subject. It would be interesting. It took me a year and two months before I felt good. The religion took away self confedence and caused me to feel like I was a heel. I absolutely no longer feel that way. I believe it gets better and happier for me and my mind as time passes. This website helps me a lot. I feel Loyde Evens does an excellent job at presenting the facts in a way so that all people get an honest true understanding about the JW religion.
Hi Harry I can certainly relate to the stage theory that you outlined. I did the “fake witness” thing for about a year after leaving Bethel. It was torture and I was in a state of constant internal conflict. When I finally confessed in writing to one of the elders I felt a tremendous weight lift off of me. Still, I had a huge hill to climb. Suddenly without any of my former “friends” and family in my life I feel into a state of free-fall. This was well before the Internet. Today we are indeed fortunate to have these online forums where we can share our stories and experiences, lifting each other up in the process. We can live as free, independent people! I’ve learned to find so much joy in the process of learning and discovery. I’d never want to go back to having all the answers spoon fed to me. Thank you Lloyd for your work here!
I’ve done the fake thing for way too long. This is a logical process you clearly outlined David Brand. cheers Ruthlee
Mr. Cedars,
I just love, love love this site! There is so much truth to what is being said and how people are treated if they leave the organization. I have to say that I am happier now that I have left. And I am thrilled that this site exists. I had an abusive JW husband and I had a lot of run ins with so called “Christian ” friends. In the congregation, I was treated poorly by a good many. I was slandered, I was told by a sister that the reason my three and four year old daughters were molested and the courts didn’t help was that my babies weren’t “sheep”-in other words, they weren’t chosen by God. When I tried to talk to the congregation elders about the Australian Royal commission, I was told that these things were inspired by demons and that I had “bought into” the story and was snatched up by Satan. Then there was the slander from snotty, hateful sisters who set out to ruin my reputation. Someone in the congregation had gone around asking for hundreds of dollars in my name. Instead of approaching me personally, an elder had a friend tell me to stop trying to take advantage of the congregation like my ex-husband had. Unbelievable. Then, when I approached the elder and asked who it was that was saying these things, the elder would only say that a couple of people had said it and wouldn’t divulge their names so that I could confront them and defend myself. That is enough to make anyone want to leave. And leave I did! The past year has been happy and guilt free. Bye Bye to the snots who told me that my lesbian daughter was with the demons, sleeping with the demons. Bye Bye to the hypocrits whose sons would break into neighborhood garages and steal things and committed rampant fornication and they had the nerve to say that their kids were good while my daughters were condemned. Bye Bye and take your nasty baggage with you! I’m through!
Wow, Janice. I am from the US and I can say I watched 95% of the ARC’s fanastic vivisection of the WT defense. Here in the US we tried to talk to mind-controlled uncaring Elders about the goings on in Australia. To no avail whatsoever. In fact, some of us were branded apostate. So glad you got out and hopefully saved your family!
Thank you for the great article Sean! I can echo your sentiments to the word. I have enjoyed a wonderful life and made genuine friends since leaving this organisation ten years ago. The crutches of alcohol and television, as well as mindless hours of repetitive brain washing are a distant memory, replaced with living a ‘clean life’ (diet and mentally) and a genuine interest in our local community.
As you mentioned the biggest change for me was also that I no longer seek acknowledgement or a prize for anything good that I do which is very refreshing and fulfilling.
Peace out
Such a nice article comparing and contrasting the life as JW vs non JW. I could relate to pretty much everything. Not having the mental freedom to enjoy little things in life without guilt, always pushed to the edge to do things for JW and prejudice against non-JWs. Now life is so much better without the JW extra baggage, you just live as a free being.
Sean has given us such helpful comments that we all need to reflect on. Ruth Tucker, in her book, ‘Strange Cults’ writes; “In attempting to understand the..[JWs] it is imperative that we get to know adherents …as individuals- as people.” Sean has done that for us.
I’d love some advice. If someone was baptized after 1985 but was under the age of 18 at the time of baptism, is it still binding? Would WT legal department back off & allow a person to leave without making an announcement at the hall?
I should add- with the threat of a law suit and baptism was in USA- California.
Check out this article on jwfacts: http://jwfacts.com/watchtower/experiences/grundy.php. It’s rare that they accept annulling your baptism on these grounds. I was baptized after 85 and was under 18, so I simply faded without any congregational action being taken.
WS
Thank you for the advice/link :)
Im actually reading this from Disney World! Haha
Such a great article. I check back here every Friday for more content. I faded three years ago and it hasnt hurt me or my children in any discernible way. My only issue is my wife’s deep indoctrination. Her emotional investment in her god is simply too strong to reason with. Unfortunately we evolved emotions before logic. While we love each other deeply, this is a constant issue regarding the upbringing of the kids.
It seems you have your spouse support. Consider yourself fortunate.