We interrupt our regularly scheduled series of articles dealing with child abuse, death from Watchtower’s blood policies, and international news of religious bans and imprisonments to bring you an important announcement:
Jehovah’s Witnesses have released a vitally important new worksheet for young adults, following the Governing Body’s investigation into the critically dangerous usage of emoji images. JW Survey interviewed one youth named Javier, who stated:
“When I sent a winking eye emoji to my friend Sarah late one night, little did I realize that our emotions would become deeply entangled, and we would have sex just two days later. Now I am disfellowshipped, Sarah is pregnant, and my goals for converting her to a Jehovah’s Witness and becoming missionaries in China are ruined. I am so sad”
EDITOR’S NOTE: JW Survey has obtained copies of the evidence used in the judicial proceedings against Javier, which includes the following: (WARNING – IMAGES MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN)
For those not familiar with the dangers of emojis -the subtle use of this Satanic tool quietly originated in Japan in 1998, by an unchristian man named Shigetaka Kurita. Once Microsoft, Apple, and Android smartphones developed advanced keyboards in recent years, the stage was set for the unclean practice of emoji usage, which has left many Jehovah’s Witness youths unable to control their impure urges. This has resulted in the phone-to-phone texting of inappropriate emojis, which include winking eyes and red lips.
Fortunately the Jehovah’s Witness writing department has carefully crafted a timely worksheet to assist young persons with smartphones in the fine art of sending text messages without arousing sexual passions which lead to the inevitable and dreaded sin of fornication. The worksheet provides real-world scenarios in which Witness youths are faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma: How to wish someone well without arousing their passions.
For example, if you have a friend who is going through a difficult time, you might be inclined to send the following message to your friend: “Sorry you’re having a tough day. I hope things get better.” This may sound like an innocent message to some, but when coupled with the addition of a pair of red lips, what appears harmless has now become a matter so serious that it may well lead to flirtatious behavior, followed by sexual intercourse. Watchtower writers who specialize in child psychology and Biblical laws have pioneered the use of the “likelihood thermometer” – a new tool trademarked by Watchtower to enable young ones with cell phones the ability to measure the danger level of a variety of emojis. In the example above, Jehovah’s Witness youths are encouraged to circle the fully erect thermometer filled with a blood-like substance to indicate that using the red lips emoji is extremely inappropriate.
Watchtower’s Governing Body expects this worksheet to have a dramatic impact upon the use of inappropriate emojis among their impressionable and malleable youths. These young persons are likewise encouraged to not only circle the appropriate lust-thermometer, but to explain in writing how such an improper message might be understood. As an example, JW Survey interviewed Susan and asked her to fill in her response to the “tough day” question with the hot-lips emoji. She wrote:
“This message made me feel that the person writing it did not actually care for me, but wanted to remove my clothes and have immoral sex with me. I felt violated and dirty, and I immediately opened by Bible and began reading the Song of Solomon”
Susan admitted to JW Survey that her favorite passages of the Bible include Song of Solomon chapter 4, verse 5, and Chapter 8 verse 3, and actually all of the verses in every chapter of this book. Her least favorite scriptures include the remainder of the Bible.
Further compounding a problem of epic proportions, Jehovah’s Witness think-tank engineers have discovered that messages sent by Witness youths are often saturated with “implied messages”. This revelation is featured on the very first page of the new “Young People Ask” worksheet. JW Survey obtained the worksheet of one young Witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, but was willing to share his true feelings about the dangers of texting.
As seen in the worksheet above, Jehovah’s Witness children and young adults cannot be trusted with cell phones which permit text messaging. What seems innocent on the surface reveals the true motivations behind this dangerous method of communication. When you add emojis with winking eyes, hearts, pursed lips and blushing smiles, the combination becomes lethal. As Witnesses know, such immorality resulting in disfellowshipping will result in complete annihilation at Armageddon, from which there is no return.
Are We Kidding?
Certainly most readers will recognize sarcasm or parody when they see it, and while this article uses a tongue-in-cheek approach, I can assure you that the worksheets released by Jehovah’s Witnesses are very real. The level of control achieved by the JW Governing Body over young minds is so pervasive, that conflicted Witnesses live in constant fear that their words, their text messages, or even their thoughts will be exposed by their fellow Witness peers, their parents, and the congregation elders.
Social media is viewed as a very real danger by the organization, and they have done everything but officially ban its use, knowing that one of the few sources of religious growth still remaining is expansion through reproduction. This presents an odd dilemma for Jehovah’s Witnesses, since bearing children has traditionally been frowned upon in light of the nearness of “Armageddon” and the dangers of raising a child in today’s modern climate of immorality.
I remember when “MySpace” became extremely popular in the early days of social media, and by the mid 2000s, Jehovah’s Witnesses were joining in droves – just as non-Witnesses were. But soon, the realization that young Witnesses were sharing photos, music and personal details caught the attention of the organization (and local elders) – and the brakes were applied immediately. In one congregation where nearly every JW youth had a MySpace account, a “Local Needs” talk was given by an elder, denouncing this form of social interaction, and as my close friend put it, “By the time I got home I could watch the MySpace accounts disappear before my very eyes, until they were all gone.”
Facebook received similar treatment, particularly in the early days, when uninformed elders became paranoid, opting to eradicate the problem before too many youngsters were connected. One self-appointed internet-Nazi elder I know made it his business to advise all the young JWs in his congregation to stay away from Facebook. Shortly thereafter, he opened his own Facebook account to monitor the activity of Witnesses he suspected of using Facebook. Later, he altered his position several times, to the point where the congregation youths he was controlling were left confused and unclear of whether they were “allowed” to have a Facebook account or not.
Another close friend of mine -an elder- had a teenage daughter with a cell phone and a Facebook account. When he decided to clamp down on her social media life, he told me: “I had to put an end to her Facebook account – it was too dangerous. However I told her that she could have a LinkedIn account, since this was business related…”
A teenage girl with a LinkedIn account… if I had been driving the car when he told me what he did to his daughter’s social life, I am certain I would have caused a tremendous accident.
Humor aside, I am certainly not advocating the abandonment of interest by parents in the social lives of their children. Involvement is admirable and recommended, but the endless stream of videos and worksheets manufactured by the JW organizational hierarchy is so repressive and controlling, that the individuality of the person is replaced by an unrecognizable shadow of the young person whose social network and mind is controlled by seven men in New York, most of whom have never fathered a child.
Another critical failing by the group-think oriented Witnesses is the lack of trust between parent and child. Certainly there are dangers in our modern age, but to require a young adult to fill out a 3 page worksheet filled with leading questions and measures of indoctrination replaces trust with a checklist designed to give the false impression that Witnesses have the ability to choose, to feel, to think. They have no such freedoms. No matter how you check the box, Watchtower makes the final decision.
For a brilliant tongue-in-cheek analysis of Watchtower’s latest Young People Ask Emoji worksheet, please enjoy Lloyd Evans’ humorous yet pointed review: