We interrupt our regularly scheduled series of articles dealing with child abuse, death from Watchtower’s blood policies, and international news of religious bans and imprisonments to bring you an important announcement:
Jehovah’s Witnesses have released a vitally important new worksheet for young adults, following the Governing Body’s investigation into the critically dangerous usage of emoji images. JW Survey interviewed one youth named Javier, who stated:
“When I sent a winking eye emoji to my friend Sarah late one night, little did I realize that our emotions would become deeply entangled, and we would have sex just two days later. Now I am disfellowshipped, Sarah is pregnant, and my goals for converting her to a Jehovah’s Witness and becoming missionaries in China are ruined. I am so sad”
EDITOR’S NOTE: JW Survey has obtained copies of the evidence used in the judicial proceedings against Javier, which includes the following: (WARNING – IMAGES MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN)
For those not familiar with the dangers of emojis -the subtle use of this Satanic tool quietly originated in Japan in 1998, by an unchristian man named Shigetaka Kurita. Once Microsoft, Apple, and Android smartphones developed advanced keyboards in recent years, the stage was set for the unclean practice of emoji usage, which has left many Jehovah’s Witness youths unable to control their impure urges. This has resulted in the phone-to-phone texting of inappropriate emojis, which include winking eyes and red lips.
Fortunately the Jehovah’s Witness writing department has carefully crafted a timely worksheet to assist young persons with smartphones in the fine art of sending text messages without arousing sexual passions which lead to the inevitable and dreaded sin of fornication. The worksheet provides real-world scenarios in which Witness youths are faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma: How to wish someone well without arousing their passions.
For example, if you have a friend who is going through a difficult time, you might be inclined to send the following message to your friend: “Sorry you’re having a tough day. I hope things get 
better.” This may sound like an innocent message to some, but when coupled with the addition of a pair of red lips, what appears harmless has now become a matter so serious that it may well lead to flirtatious behavior, followed by sexual intercourse. Watchtower writers who specialize in child psychology and Biblical laws have pioneered the use of the “likelihood thermometer” – a new tool trademarked by Watchtower to enable young ones with cell phones the ability to measure the danger level of a variety of emojis. In the example above, Jehovah’s Witness youths are encouraged to circle the fully erect thermometer filled with a blood-like substance to indicate that using the red lips emoji is extremely inappropriate.
Watchtower’s Governing Body expects this worksheet to have a dramatic impact upon the use of inappropriate emojis among their impressionable and malleable youths. These young persons are likewise encouraged to not only circle the appropriate lust-thermometer, but to explain in writing how such an improper message might be understood. As an example, JW Survey interviewed Susan and asked her to fill in her response to the “tough day” question with the hot-lips emoji. She wrote:
“This message made me feel that the person writing it did not actually care for me, but wanted to remove my clothes and have immoral sex with me. I felt violated and dirty, and I immediately opened by Bible and began reading the Song of Solomon”
Susan admitted to JW Survey that her favorite passages of the Bible include Song of Solomon chapter 4, verse 5, and Chapter 8 verse 3, and actually all of the verses in every chapter of this book. Her least favorite scriptures include the remainder of the Bible.
Implied Messages
Further compounding a problem of epic proportions, Jehovah’s Witness think-tank engineers have discovered that messages sent by Witness youths are often saturated with “implied messages”. This revelation is featured on the very first page of the new “Young People Ask” worksheet. JW Survey obtained the worksheet of one young Witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, but was willing to share his true feelings about the dangers of texting.
As seen in the worksheet above, Jehovah’s Witness children and young adults cannot be trusted with cell phones which permit text messaging. What seems innocent on the surface reveals the true motivations behind this dangerous method of communication. When you add emojis with winking eyes, hearts, pursed lips and blushing smiles, the combination becomes lethal. As Witnesses know, such immorality resulting in disfellowshipping will result in complete annihilation at Armageddon, from which there is no return.
Are We Kidding?
Certainly most readers will recognize sarcasm or parody when they see it, and while this article uses a tongue-in-cheek approach, I can assure you that the worksheets released by Jehovah’s Witnesses are very real. The level of control achieved by the JW Governing Body over young minds is so pervasive, that conflicted Witnesses live in constant fear that their words, their text messages, or even their thoughts will be exposed by their fellow Witness peers, their parents, and the congregation elders.
Social media is viewed as a very real danger by the organization, and they have done everything but officially ban its use, knowing that one of the few sources of religious growth still remaining is expansion through reproduction. This presents an odd dilemma for Jehovah’s Witnesses, since bearing children has traditionally been frowned upon in light of the nearness of “Armageddon” and the dangers of raising a child in today’s modern climate of immorality.
I remember when “MySpace” became extremely popular in the early days of social media, and by the mid 2000s, Jehovah’s Witnesses were joining in droves – just as non-Witnesses were. But soon, the realization that young Witnesses were sharing photos, music and personal details caught the attention of the organization (and local elders) – and the brakes were applied immediately. In one congregation where nearly every JW youth had a MySpace account, a “Local Needs” talk was given by an elder, denouncing this form of social interaction, and as my close friend put it, “By the time I got home I could watch the MySpace accounts disappear before my very eyes, until they were all gone.”
Facebook received similar treatment, particularly in the early days, when uninformed elders became paranoid, opting to eradicate the problem before too many youngsters were connected. One self-appointed internet-Nazi elder I know made it his business to advise all the young JWs in his congregation to stay away from Facebook. Shortly thereafter, he opened his own Facebook account to monitor the activity of Witnesses he suspected of using Facebook. Later, he altered his position several times, to the point where the congregation youths he was controlling were left confused and unclear of whether they were “allowed” to have a Facebook account or not.
Another close friend of mine -an elder- had a teenage daughter with a cell phone and a Facebook account. When he decided to clamp down on her social media life, he told me: “I had to put an end to her Facebook account – it was too dangerous. However I told her that she could have a LinkedIn account, since this was business related…”
A teenage girl with a LinkedIn account… if I had been driving the car when he told me what he did to his daughter’s social life, I am certain I would have caused a tremendous accident.
Humor aside, I am certainly not advocating the abandonment of interest by parents in the social lives of their children. Involvement is admirable and recommended, but the endless stream of videos and worksheets manufactured by the JW organizational hierarchy is so repressive and controlling, that the individuality of the person is replaced by an unrecognizable shadow of the young person whose social network and mind is controlled by seven men in New York, most of whom have never fathered a child.
Another critical failing by the group-think oriented Witnesses is the lack of trust between parent and child. Certainly there are dangers in our modern age, but to require a young adult to fill out a 3 page worksheet filled with leading questions and measures of indoctrination replaces trust with a checklist designed to give the false impression that Witnesses have the ability to choose, to feel, to think. They have no such freedoms. No matter how you check the box, Watchtower makes the final decision.
For a brilliant tongue-in-cheek analysis of Watchtower’s latest Young People Ask Emoji worksheet, please enjoy Lloyd Evans’ humorous yet pointed review:
These kinds of “protective” measures demonstrate the lack of trust the org has for the rank and file jw. Also the desire to manage their daily activities.
A matter such as the managing of social media networks and texting is something that should be left entirely to the parents to manage. This can be done without watchtower sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong. All a worksheet like this does is create yet another mechanism the elders in the congregation will use to “manage” the parents.
Yet another stamp that exposes this group as a cult.
High-control mechanism.
It takes the idiocy of one person, or a few, and extrapolates it to assume ALL persons are alike–as often quoted here “one size fits all”.
But, these mechanisms are considered necessary within a group that does not encourage “thinking before acting” and developing a strong sense of personal boundaries and assertiveness by females. Permission to say “no”. Thus, a general understanding of why some flirting equals cheating is not considered sufficient; elders and leadership justifiably view many of their members as sheep (easily led off into greener pastures to be devoured). After all, most of these (and elders) blew through the Watchtower on “F&DS was not appointed” in 2013, and are here in 2017 reading an article that declares the “F&DS appointed” without registering a wince.
Let’s not forget this is the same group that fosters an environment where children and females are encouraged to be strictly obedient to males. So, when a man sends a flirty text that escalates into a request for “a little more”–the permission to say “no” is assumed to be missing.
Also in JW world it is often interpreted that when a male says “hello” more than once or twice to a female, it means a ring and bridal registry are expected while her parents start packing a U-Haul. And, if a JW female bats her eyes and smiles back, book the KH for a wedding. So, we can only assume where this lands in the world of technology.
In defense of keeping teens aware of the impact of texting, most sane persons are aware that too much texting and flirting over texting can lead to charge of “cheating”. Some Christians even feel that a dinner or talking with someone other than married partner on intimate and personal matters is equal to cheating–even if pastor. Not sure reasonable persons would bring up a worksheet unless they were deemed “challenged”.
… Also the desire to manage their daily activities …
Micro Management to the ‘Nth’ degree!
“They bind up heavy loads and put them on the shoulders of men” (Mt. 23:4)
Heavy, heavy loads. The last few months we attended, my husband and I would look around at the bent shoulders, hang-dog faces , and pained expressions of the Bros and sisters at the meetings. Looked like they were getting tortured. Had to leave when I couldn’t help but shake my head ‘no’ throughout the meeting and look at the speaker with scorn and mouth agape. Don’t miss it One Bit!!
I would love to do that…I still cant face the thought of being shunned by my children even though I have been inactive for over a year now…dont miss the micro managing of my life though…I just get fed up of my family telling me to ‘return to jehovah’
I feel for you. Keep getting stronger and maybe someday you can be done. We never had any family in the religion, so that is something we didn’t have to deal with. If it’s a comfort, there are many, many others in your situation. In the Midwest we know of several who would walk out in a minute if their whole families weren’t witnesses. The ones who have left seem to carve out a strong, full life here. Often with inlaws, cousins, etc.. and we know many whose witness families make excuses to see them. (Babysitting grandchildren, out of town reunions, etc). There’s always hope!
Thank You…you are very kind…most people are on here…Iv had nothing but concern and a pointed lack of judgment from the so called Apostates online.
Hey everybody ;-)
Satanist!! ;-)
I don’t know where my emoje button is so I can’t flirt boohoo! I’m too old anyway up !!!!! tee hee cheers all you lovely young people who flirt and smile and giggle and “hav a larf” It is practice for the real world when you have to take on the drudgery of life. A simple emojee will not get you twins. Porn might (now I am REALLY being sarcastic).Aunty Ruthlee says careful now you young lovers. I’m sure at a push we could paganize the above mentioned smiley faces as they originate from Japan. Talking of which WHY NO JAPANESE GOV BOD MEMBER? May someone should post god a saddy face. Ruthlee smile smile smile smile little yellow round thing with eyes.
@ruthlee
“I don’t know where my emoje button is”
That is understandable! As far as I was aware if a young unmarried sister went anywhere near her ’emoje button’ she had to confess to the elders who would subsequently ban her from reading ‘Song of Solomon!’ espcially late at night!!
Also thanks for the heads up about Porn getting you pregnant. I always thought it is was those pesky storks that did it. But then I too was a repressed JW youth.
You are never too old to flirt !!
:-x
Ugh! See WT are right! That was not the emoje I was trying to send! You can get into real trouble with this stuff!
They are very dangerous!
I will try again.
:-*
Oh dear! This reminds me of a time in the sixties when we were forbidden to dance “The Twist” as it was a fertility ritual and would unleash our passions!
Haha, FinallyFree!!! I remember how careful one had to be at those “congregation get-togethers” (we could not ever call them “parties”! No, no, no!! Bad parties! Bad, bad, bad!)
Get-togethers: edifying, upbuilding, encouraging. Ever-so-polite lineups for meals, an elder deciding which table would go first and in which order, etc. A good way of doing things, yes, but the whole atmosphere was like that. Very regulated. Very orderly. Because, this was NOT a party! hahaha.
And dancing! Oh my goodness. The music had to be “approved” beforehand or have a responsible ministerial servant or elder looking after the music for the evening (which usually ended around 11:00 am, with only one or two elders and their wives ending up with much of the final clean-up…)
I digressed again! lol.
But the dancing!!! Very subdued. You could only show some spunk and vigor if it was a line dance or a country dance, or a polka or such. (At least when I was in the bOrg, that was the way of things!)
If you dressed too immodestly, that was a big no-no and source of gossip for … years!! Forever perhaps.
And to dance the twist… very evil, yes. And rap music a big no-no (is it still? Have no idea about any “new ways!) Elders would stop a song at once if it was questionable or objectionable.
Some of it was fun. When you think about it, it was wholesome and a mostly-safe environment for a family “get-together”, at least was my experience.
I try to remember the happy times too.
My parents used to tell of servants (I think they dated before the elder arrangement was fully in place) who would police gatherings where there was dancing with a ruler or yard stick to measure how far apart the young folks of opposite gender were when dancing. God forbid you might accidentally brush up against your partner!
WS
Insanity…
Think I’m going to puke
More control! I read the society is not happy with youngsters using Facebook, that’s a bit hypocritical when they own shares in Facebook and are generating income from it!
More control! I read the society is not happy with youngsters using Facebook, that’s a bit hypocritical when they own shares in Facebook and are generating income from it!
I cant find any proof to verify these claims, but it would not surprise me if it were true…
Wow, how do you know this?
That was the case with the onset of Facebook. I remember several assembly parts discouraging its use. The “qualifications” of ministerial servants and elders were called into question if they dabbled with it as well. That’s no longer the case though.
JWs use ALL forms of social media today. They even post on anti jw websites. That one is still a no no, but they do it anyway. Like a lot of things.
You know, one wonders if this is an actual “issue” coming up in the congregations when young people in the congregation text each other. Perhaps they claimed that they didn’t understand the other person’s message, or misinterpreted it “because of the emoji’s…”
Anyway, SAD stuff indeed, sadly hilarious and sadly totally obnoxious and yes, as Cedar’s mentioned at the end of the video: WORKSHEETS like these, AIMED TOWARD CHILDREN & TEENAGERS (and for whom every good JW parent will see that their children faithfully follow and “study” fill out especially if they are a “strong, spiritual family ‘in the truth'” – these worksheets even being used as part of a home-schooling curriculum, I kid you not!) shows how the WTS exerts a level of CONTROL and MICRO-MANAGEMENT (can anybody say ‘Pharisee’s’…?) that is insidious and causes their flock to question the elders on the most microscopic and ridiculous things!
(aside: wow, I do believe I’ve even impressed myself with the length of that sentence, lol!)
– Muddy Waters
most “kids” are beyond subtle flirting on Line, KIKS and SnapChat
a/s/l
8==[} 12
(*)(*) dd
as example
Great article John, these old farts sare ridiculous… Had a good laugh…thanx.
What if someone was to text the forbidden emojis while wearing tight pants??? Double Jeopardy! Uh-oh, I hear judicial committee forming in the back of the hall.
WS
I have no problem with the Society if they wanted to do a little article about emojis because I don’t even know anything about them. I had to look them up just to figure out how to put one in an email but to suggest that sending an emoji is going to lead to intercourse is what makes the Society look ridiculous like they think the rank and file couldn’t cut their toe nails without them telling them how to do it.
It’s like if a girl invites a guy up to her apartment to see her fish tank and the next thing is that the girl is pregnant and the man is told by the elders to dump her but he gets disfellowshipped anyway.
Where did the thing go where males and females can’t be together without a chaperone? How can they get pregnant by sending an emoji? It just doesn’t make any sense. Did they throw the chaperone thing out the window?
I think most Witness parents will not like that article or the suggestion of the super control by the Society but there will be the super righteous that will love it and think the Society is so ahead of the times just as they had all those articles about rock bands and heavy metal music.
I remember that I used to like to listen to classical music and they even had an article about how classical music could be immoral. I was fully indoctrinated at the time but I didn’t take it seriously at all and if I wanted to listen to classical, I just listened to it but according to the Society, even though it may not have had words to it, it still could be immoral.
I think that most witnesses will laugh at that article and not take it seriously at all, especially the part about an emoji leading to sex. Even my husband when he was alive, I think would have thought that the Society was going too far with that one.
The Governing Body THINK they have a lot more control over the rank and file than they really do. I know I would have shook my head over that article and that was when I was fully indoctrinated. I was not one who would drink the Kool Aid and hopefully that article will help wake some of the rank and file up and help them to realize they are in a high control cult and walk out the door.
Nearly got entrapped that way–was lured into a dark KH conference room one meeting where two frisky teen girls (whom I later learned were objects of sexual predators) locked the door to the room, in “50 Shades of –ish” fashion confined me to a chair, turned off lights, and later created enough ruckus to attract attention of an elder. On hindsight, if either had become preggers by the predator, I’m sure I would have been the fall guy unless I outed myself as g-a-y..
JW women are evil..
Nearly got entrapped that way–was lured into a dark KH conference room one meeting where two frisky teen girls (whom I later learned were objects of sexual predators) locked the door to the room, in “50 Shades of –ish” fashion confined me to a chair, turned off lights, and later created enough ruckus to attract attention of an elder. On hindsight, if either had become preggers by the predator, I’m sure I would have been the fall guy unless I outed myself as g-a-y..
JW women are evil..
Controllers have to control everything and make issues of non-issues.
The guy I studied with used to say “All things are clean to clean people”. What happened to that?
Very entertaining and amusing.
I see the small mindedness is still in full force in WT.
Absolute control freaks, fearful of loosing hold on the younger indoctrinated and unduly influenced members.
But they must keep the young minds supple and responsive.
Oh No!! Not the emoji’s. Everyone get in your bunkers now. The end is coming. Disable the emoji’s. Don’t look at the emoji’s. Oh the horror.
I can’t wait to visit middle school and high school guidance counselors to discuss this worksheet protecting young kids from emoji’s.
What a load of crap!!
Doc, this is serious stuff. Just like wind chimes…they are dangerous too. And tai chi. And T-shirts with Superman on. And don’t forget the dangers associated with tying cans on the back of the wedding car. And sisters with nose piercing, brothers with hair below the collar, or side burns or beards. All these things can quickly take us out the truth.
Watchtower Babble and Tract Society really think that kids are machines and that they need to program them to act and speak the way they are. Talk about child abuse.
When I thought things could not get any worse, the Watchtower wants to push parents away from training their children and invoke their thoughts in the matter.
Can you imagine you as an adult creating such worksheets. What a waste of time and money.
Ricardo,
You forgot to mention smurfs, Star Wars action figures, teenage mutant njnja turtles (any comic book characters really), he-man, dungeons and dragons…all were banned when I was a young JW pup…maybe I should just list what WAS allowed as it would be a much shorter list.
WS
Oooo, you’re so disruptive l… I might have to mark you. (Says a woman with a pink streak in her hair)
In the same line of reasoning, there was an interesting effect that occurred for me as a young JW, when Watchtower was going around and banning just about every new thing under the sun: since just about everything I wanted to do wasn’t allowed, I did it anyway and from a very young age began to lie to my parents about it!
ARE YOU LISTENING JW PARENTS???
If you want to put a wall between you and your children so that they feel they cannot approach you and have to keep their lives secret from you, enforce a bunch of arbitrary rules that make no sense whatsoever. Good luck when your teenagers need some actual parental advice – they won’t come to you!
WS
This emoji worksheet is insidiously misogynistic. All the bad examples of someone sending the “wrong” message, or leading “someone” one on, are women or girls. That’s what I saw in Lloyds excellent video. Watchtower uses women as bad examples most of the time, seems like about 85% of the time. I see this worksheet being used to browbeat sisters.
BTW, thanks for the laughs in the video Lloyd, and excellent article John!
:) Jaime
I am sorry but I find the thermometer image disturbing. It looks like a phallic symbol and the redder it get the more sexual it gets…. it looks like a big willie. I think WT use of this image should be banned as it gives the wrong impression to innocent, fragile minds… like mine. :p ;)
Nothing surprises me coming from this totalitarian cult anymore.
I feel very sorry for the 8 million mind controlled robots subjected to the moronic stupidity of the JWBorg. it’s sad. The young teenagers captive to this ugly cult might as well be in communist China under Mao. They can’t think for themselves, act for themselves or have a thought that isn’t crafted, modulated, sanitized, or homogenized by the stupid morons running this Barnum and Bailey Circus. Guess it’s true; there’s a sucker born every minute.
I’ve got an emoje for the GB, there’s a finger involved and I’ll leave it to your imagination as to which one.
I would swear they have Donald Trump writing this stuff!
Trump is soft-spoken and easygoing by comparison.
WS
Whoever thought this one up, the idea that these emojis
can transmit sexual thoughts is purely in their own mind.
They are transferring their own perverted ideas into young
minds where no such ideas previously existed.
It’s just one more guilt trip, screwing with young minds.
Every JW generation has been subjected to their
arrogant and stupefyingly ignorant pronouncements.—>
Thinking people would rather have smallpox than vaccination, because the latter sows the seed of syphilis, cancers, escema, erysipelas, scrofula, consumption, even leprosy and many other loathsome affections. Hence the practice of vaccination is a crime, an outrage and a delusion. GA May, 1st 1929 p, 502.
It was a while ago, but if memory serves, I think I gave the MySpace local needs part at my cong. I may even still have the outline somewhere in my files. I also remember the Facebook witch hunts. One CO said he had his own “fake” Facebook account and that if any “appointed man” or any member of his immediate family was found on have an account he’d be subject to immediate deletion.
BITE: Behavior-Information-Thinking-Emotions. If an organization seeks to control of these areas of your life, they are likely a dangerous cult. I think the information control is evident here.
WS
To all Jehovah’s Witness teenagers and young adults.
Emoji’s are harmless icons used in emails or other electronic communications. Emoji’s, themselves, will not cause pregnancy in teenage girls. In addition, emoji’s will not cause coitus between teenagers or young adults.
Watchtower Babble and Tract Society is gravely mistaken on this subject. As you can tell, they are not intelligent people. Watchtower cannot connect the dots.
The only person who sends me excessive and “flirtatious” emojis, are my 9 year old daughter. I thought that she was really been quite cute, as did my wife and mother, who also got these emoji-laden emails and texts.
Thanks to JW.Org, I now realize that she is bein “flirtatious”.
Dear WT. Confused…. so if a female friend sent me an email with an Emoji blowing a kiss should I be concerned that she is hitting on me?
Dear WT. If a young person sends me a text with the same emoji do I need to be concerned I may be taken to task for ‘grooming?’
I know this is silly but you can see how easy it could get out of hand. WT will have all these questions to answer too. These were just a couple of the top of my head.
‘Dear WT. My friend sent me a text message with an emoji of a ‘celebration’. Should I be concerned they are celebrating an un christian celebration?’
Dear WT. Yesterday a male friend sent me an emoji of a bunch of flowers… do I take this as being hit on and how should I respond… would you advise me sending an emoji back of me sneezing… this may put him off, thinking I have allergies’
Dear WT……..
Almost like the first Youth Book proclaiming in their chapter on masturbation and homosexuality that 90 percent plus of all males masturbate at one time or another. They also stated that this practice could lead to homosexuality. So I guess at any given point 90 percent of all males could turn homosexual at any moment.
What a bunch of garbage. It’s just another way a cult indoctrinates their youth to think abnormal and follow their policy’s or face the possibility of being shunned.
When they incinuate that bad is going to happen if you use emoticons is just plain LUDICROUS!!!!!!
I thought you went blind?
Nah, it’s hairy palms that it gives you.
WS
By the way John
“Overregulation”, “Micromanagement” and “Heavy-Handedness” – that’s all that comes to my mind here. Or: How to create problems where there weren’t any before.
Again: “They strain out the gnat but gulp down the camel.” They cover up child sex abuses to the 10000s, but tell others with emojis to use. Is this crazy, or what? Meshugge?
HAIL TALMUD – the JW.Org’s corporate orgbusiness Talmud.
It appears that sweet boredom in their donation-sponsored, well-furnished and lavish Warwick lakeview-offices is eating them up. “Hmmmm, what else to dooo? Where do we want to go todayyyy?”
lol, but hard.
Just when my sides had stopped aching over the yoga and invisible Jesus…..this!
So it’s full deluded steam ahead at WT while that unseen cliff gets closer and closer.
I suppose the writing dept have to come up with a constant stream of…….anything!…to avoid being dumped penniless onto a cold NY street by the worlds most loving cult.
I suppose there are situations where this stuff could be useful for a certain type of kid at a certain age, but it their PARENTS job. The WT are insinuating that parents don’t have a clue.
Hang on….the WT have already stripped the parents of their thinking skills thereby making them just like children and must now treat them as such. Fair enough. What would any reasonable cult do. The parents are only children with children, so WT have a responsibility there.
But where were the emoji’s when I was a teenager just gagging for a bit of immoral sex? It would would have ridiculously easy! Just have a pocketful of smiley faces and pass them around at school and the whole neighborhood could have been preggers before lunchtime. Damn!!
Kids these days don’t know are lucky they are. And as for good looks….they’re wasted on the young.
Jesus H. Christ! Do you mean to tell me that all I need to do to get laid is send a winky emoji??? When the @#$%^ did this happen??? I never got the memo! This has got to be the biggest game-changer ever! Where’s the nearest Kingdom Hall? I’M BACK IN, BABY! :D :D :D
ha ha ha
On a serious note, I think it’s safe to say that we’re well beyond ‘1984’ here. Reality really can be stranger than fiction! I heard a quote once – “Some things are too incredible to be believed, but nothing is too incredible to have happened.” Kinda fits here. ;)
PS I didn’t mean anything by that emoji ….. or DID I? ……. bwahahahahahaha
PPS
JR, loved the description of the “likelihood thermometer” as a “fully erect thermometer filled with a blood-like substance”. Not sure if everyone got that, but I’m LMAO.
PPPS
For any persons considering studying/associating with Jehovah’s Witnesses, any emoji sent to you by any Jehovah’s Witness should be interpreted this way: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM US BECAUSE WE ARE A PSYCHOTIC MIND-CONTROL CULT THAT WILL F*CK UP YOUR LIFE MORE THAN YOU CAN PRESENTLY IMAGINE OR BELIEVE
twisted sister…
let’s hope it didn’t offend anyone. :-) But yeah, while writing this article I could not help but make the direct correlation between the use of emojis and the “obvious” outcome which will befall any young person who crosses that line of “appropriate” behavior. I simply skipped over the in-between parts and reached the conclusion which Watchtower desires all children to reach. Otherwise, they will “fall prey to Satan” who is roaring like a lion…and all the other expressions of fear instilled into the young generations of JWs. I feel badly for them, and I hope a few read the article and recognize the points being made.
JR
Yes, having been there too, I also feel badly for them. Any young JWs reading this, my advice to you is, play the “game” as long as you need to, while pursuing whatever education you need to be able to adequately support you in life, as well as building some kind of social network OUTSIDE Watchtower, and learning as much as you can about the REAL world. Then, when you’re of age, and have the skills you need, RUN, FORREST, RUN! Get as FAR as you can from Watchtower.
PS If u’re looking for more advice on how to achieve all that (it’s a lot), FORGET the BIBLE. Read ART OF WAR by SUN TZU. It’s online, so u won’t have to worry about getting caught with a copy of it. Ain’t the Internet a b*tch? Just remember to delete ur search history. BTW It’s not very long. Can be read in an afternoon (with a cup of cocoa) Ahhh…Art of War…It’s all there…Stealth, Deception, Strategy, Tactics…
@ruthlee
Not sure if you were serious about not knowing how to do emoji’s (such a critical skill in today’s world, of course :D ), but if you were, it’s actually pretty easy:
smile is : followed by )
frown is : followed by (
wink is ; followed by )
laugh is : followed by D
DISCLAIMER: 1. Years of practice may be required to achieve full proficiency.
2. Overuse may result in serious injury. :D :D :D
CAUTIONARY ADVISORY: It is recommended u check weather forecast before attempting.
… I forgot to mention, always leave a space between your emoji and other punctuation marks, or it won’t work.
My dearest twistedsisterActually I have never used an emoji didn’t even spell it right. You made me lol. Honestly this daft outfit goes from bad to worse. Surely they want the girls to breed to bring up the numbers. OOO that’s controversial. But thanks TS for the life lesson. On a serious note, too true Freethinker that camel goes down a treat but oh no the blood filled gnat must be purged.Really all this worksh*t shows is the devil has work for idle hands. Cheers Ruthlee :) tee hee I just popped my emoji.
ha ha ha
Good one. You beat me to it.
You gatta be kidding me….they can my…….
….they can my….
Holy Cow!!! You had me worried! No emojis! I send emojis to everyone…young, old,male, female…reallies…people I kow …people I do not know…Uh yeah…and Song of Solomon….:). Good one…Man, I can remember one time being asked to read the scrip. about…breast being…I wanted to die…started laughing and could hardly stop, cu it had been a subject of conversation amoung us sisters in the car just a short time before…yeap…the Family Life bk…the Young people ask book….telephone sex was going on in one cong I knew of…and latter My Mom and Another older sister were asked to donate to a newly married sister…who had already had a child…unknown to the kid that her step sis was actually her mother!…anyhow they were …”moved” to donate for birthcontrol injections so the poor sister would not get prego…another Donation box at back of KH and regional convs? Interact and credit card machinas? Anyhow…same cong the “Bird Dance” was frowned upon…but a regular pioneer sis and she was single…but was caught…doing the…”bird dance”, in the KH basement, with a Min. servant…His wife not a witness knows nothing about to this day…the sister kinda admitted to…emojis not to blame this time, so she can still poneer and all…a few priv. removed for a short time…I was wondering why I never got fcebk yet….oh so…can a person by shares into to this day? You guys never cease to amaze! ;). wonderful work!!!! Keep at er!!!! ;)! ;!0
That Bird Dance is such a freakin’ turn on, man!!
It does need a bit of regulating.
All this mind-control propaganda targeted at young people reminds me of a line spoken by one of the drug dealers in “Breaking Bad”: “Get ’em while they’re young, and they’re yours for life.”
equal what they teach – the kids do their own thing. I remember about 20 years ago when i was still an elder the CO came to me and was frustrated that in a congregation of a big town the young man came to him and declared that all the young sisters of the congregation are not even virgins anymore. You you can recognize – they learn to be Janus like – to show whagt i demanded but privately they live like all others.
So in general the most of them do, surely some youngsters may live extreme life of a JW, also that happens yet finally when time goes by and they have no increasing relation with a potential partner – they do it quite sure.
that know the ghosts in the tower but finally they ignore igt and talk about the emperors new clothings
twisted sister. You’re putting mischievous ideas into my head
with that erect blood gorged thermometer. Forget the mojos,
if I wanted to get laid that’s the thing that would go on my
texts, it’s much more direct no mistaking my wicked intentions.
Although at 85 I’d rather have a good hot dinner. Might cause
a bit of excitement though among the grannies at the old folks
club. Ah, sweet memories!
ha ha ha Just don’t give anyone a heart attack. :D
Maybe if they weren’t so controlling in people’s sex lives, ‘Javier’ and ‘Sarah’ wouldn’t have ruined their lives by making an unwanted baby.
@Mike,
Point number 6: “No one is required or made to fill out this sheet.”
Correct: no one from from Brooklyn (or Warwick now, right?) holds a gun to your and says, “you will fill this out or else: blamo!” But you I both know that ‘all spiritually-minded family heads will make full use of the tools provided by the slave to direct and protect our children.’ So if you are one of the “blessed” children of an elder or servant (like I was and my children were at one time) you can be sure they will be made to fill out this farcical worksheet.
WS
@Mike,
sat·ire
ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
As the writer stated near the end of the article: “Certainly most readers will recognize sarcasm or parody when they see it.” No claims were made that the previous information was true. Rather the writer used satire to express shock and indignation in response to Watchtower’s need to control everything in their members lives down to which emojis they can use when texting. That’s the point of the article.
WS
Mike doesn’t want to see that, Winston. He wants this site to be a site of lies.
Mike…..I agree with some of your points. Of course kids are impressionable and need guidance and its our job to do that but there’s no need to be ridiculous and WT is insulting parents with this crap.
If WT are going to turn emoji’s into something evil, where does it stop? Whats to stop a simple ‘hello’ leading to pregnancy and doom. Are we going to make our kids ridiculously self conscious about every word they utter? Isn’t adolescence confusing enough already? If you ban emoji’s as an expression, kids will just find something else.
The Watchtower trying to suppress the natural behavior out of kids is a bit like squeezing a sausage balloon at one end and the other end gets bigger. You won’t squeeze the life out of that balloon.
You can’t stop ‘life’ happening Mike.
Why doesn’t the WT stop wasting time printing rubbish about how to protect children and get on with the job of actually protecting them. When are they going to stop talking out both sides of their mouth. When are they going to stop lying. When are they going to stop their greed. Why is it ok for Jehovah and WT to virtually oversee the rape of thousands of children and the hiding of thousands of pedophiles. When are they going to stop killing people.
Mike…..sorry, but even writing that has made me angry. Why aren’t you? What are you made of?
Winston – you are of course very correct. Mike is one of those people who skim articles instead of reading them, and more interested in shooting back an emotional retort instead of a thoughtful response. I know many JWs who have no clue what satire is. It’s a function of social ignorance as well as lack of education. Not much we can do, but try to educate them as much as possible.
If we ever had to depend on the Watchtower society for the preservation of the human species, we would be extinct! An emoji causes wanton thoughts? Seems to me, because of their declining numbers, they would want more emoji action to procreate their numbers of witnesses raised into their form of ‘truth’. Wow! what an opportunity they are missing.
‘Declining numbers’ entered my head as well, searcher. Maybe this whole emoji thing is a subtle message informing kids how easy it is to ‘get it on’ and so increasing the numbers. Bit like the Nazi’s with their breeding program. How else are they going to do it?
Yeah. I really never understood the hyper-obsession with sexual reproduction that the JW’s have, as well as, other kooky religions.
I am in regards to this. Just shows the audacity if the governing body. Like they are going to talk to anyone who has been disfellowshiped by the organization to get a story. SMH